On The English Courtesan's Mysterious Smirk...

The English Courtesan is not a city lover as a general rule but today she looked up at a skyscraper and smiled.

So the readers' challenge for today is to work out why the English Courtesan is looking peculiarly Sphinx-like...

Is it because:

a) The English Courtesan has been Up To No Good in this particular skyscraper?
b) The sky behind the skyscraper matches the English Courtesan's blog colour?
c) The English Courtesan is with someone who makes her smile?
d) The English Courtesan knows something about this skyscraper that the readers probably don't?
e) The English Courtesan is amused by the psychology of why 90% of architects in the city of XXXXXX are trying to build a skyscraper bigger than the boy next door's?
f) The skyscraper reminds the English Courtesan of Carl Sandburg's Syscraper poem, 'By day the skyscraper looms in the smoke and sun and has a soul...'?
g) The English Courtesan had something to do with the erection of this skyscraper (what did you all think she was going to say after the 'e' word)?
h) Nothing to do with the skyscraper at all - the English Courtesan is just feeling peculiarly happy for no very good reason?

Answers on a postcard to the usual and may the most creative, but not necessarily the most correct, win... ;-)

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The English Courtesan & The Macaroons

The English Courtesan is away from her desk today but it just so happens that she's near a purveyor of the finest macaroons, hence the pert and peachy pair in the photo.

Idle hands make mischief and all that, so today's quiz is an attempt to save the English Courtesan's wicked readers from themselves.

In the name of vice avoidance then, the English Courtesan invites the readers to complete the following sentence no more than 20 words:

'This photo of the English Courtesan's macaroons makes me think of....'.

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Where Have All The Call Girls Gone?

The English Courtesan was saddened to see another two blogging call girls suddenly disappear over the past few weeks. Escort, mistress and muse Mandy, of the 'How About Now?' blog, has gone onto better things, although you can still read her blog if you hurry. Chère Juliette, courtesan in the making and owner of a fabulous collection of nudie Victorian picture postcards, has simply gone...

Postmodern Courtesan Olympia, Sophia Ong, Thais and other call girl bloggers disappeared suddenly, and without explanation, before them. Even Jetset Lara, one of the few original international courtesans still blogging, appears to be on an extended hiatus. The Demimonde group of escorts wasn’t exactly mourned when it disintegrated just a few months after its inception, but a few of the call girls who belonged to it were missed.

The English Courtesan wonders what it is that makes call girl and courtesan bloggers disappear so suddenly. Do they find their happy ending, be it in writing like Mandy, or in the form of a Prince Charming, as was rumoured to be the case for Olympia? Does their life as an escort suddenly become a personal embarrassment in the light of a new relationship, or perhaps a chink in their new career armour?

Or are the reasons why courtesans and call girls stop blogging less positive? Do they worry that someone a little too close suspects them of working as an escort? Do they just burn out and tire of the whole business, the unrelenting nastiness of other escort girls and perhaps the unthinking unkindnesses of clients? Do they realise going it alone as an independent escort is tough and not as lucrative as some might think, or that the way to a constant and reliable source of income is through an escort agency? Is it just the blog that goes or do these girls leave escorting too?

The English Courtesan wonders too what happened to the reasons why these girls first became escorts or courtesans. The English Courtesan wrote about her own reasons for becoming an escort here. As with most girls, they were a complicated mixture of financial and other reasons. When these girls stopped being escorts, did they find a solution to all of these issues? Will they be back as escorts, perhaps with a different name, if things don’t work out?

The English Courtesan is puzzled by what goes through a blogging escort’s mind when she disappears. Do retiring escorts find it easier to go out with simply silence than to say their polite goodbyes? When they retire, do blogging call girls ever think of their clients? Do they ever keep in touch with past lovers and escort friends? Or do they just pull the plug on it all at once, and cut off the phone, the email and the blog with no regrets? Perhaps that’s the point of a no-strings association with an escort, that either party reserves the right to disappear without explanations, but the English Courtesan feels these endings are perhaps a silent reflection on how their authors felt about being escorts.

And the clients, do they find another escort or courtesan? Are there men who remember Juliette, Mandy, Olympia, Sophia, Thais and Lara with fondness or did the waters of the blogosphere just close over them? The English Courtesan likes to think she’ll be remembered but she knows she’s replaceable. Escorts and courtesans come and go, as these girls did. Perhaps these disappearances are a reminder that a transitory attachment with an escort is just that.

The English Courtesan hopes that Juliette keeps her Victorian nudes in a shoebox under her bed and that Mandy will be in a bookstore near us shortly. The English Courtesan hopes Postmodern Olympia is advising US military strategists on the Middle East, that Sophia is dancing barefoot among bilberries in the Hamptons, that gentle Thais is still admiring the view over the mountains and that Lara found what she was looking for in the world.

The English Courtesan hopes that the reasons for these call girl bloggers disappearing were good ones. Whatever their reasons, the forget-me-not flowers in the photo are to remind them that they are missed and not forgotten, even if they themselves choose to forget…

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The English Courtesan Is Tagged!

'That's tagged', said the English Courtesan sternly to the sniggering readers. 'Tagged with a T. Not with an S. Okay?'

The English Courtesan was delighted to be tagged by the lovely Madam Butterfly of Blissful Desires a few weeks ago. Those of the readers who have yet to meet The Madam might like to know she’s a tantric poet who reads T.S. Eliot.

As you can see from the picture, which the English Courtesan purloined from her blog, Madam Butterfly also happens to be Top Totty and she gets a rating of Quite Kinky on the Kinkyness Test (see her blog for more on that). Not that the readers would be swayed by anything as shallow as boobies and kink now, would they? ;-)

Today’s tag is all about things the readers never wondered about the English Courtesan. It appears to be a seven-lots-of-five-things variation on the six things tag which the English Courtesan did here and the seven things tag which the English Courtesan did here. Although it has taken her a while to respond, this tag appeals to the English Courtesan because a) it might be a way for the English Courtesan to seduce Madam Butterfly, although she’d have to work at a happier ending than that of Puccini’s Madama and b) this tag is disjointed and slightly random, rather like the English Courtesan’s thought processes.

Here are the rules of the Seven Lots Of Five Things tag:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning of the blog post.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves in their blog post.
3. At the end of the blog post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer on your blog.

Where were you 10 years ago?

That’s an easy one – the English Courtesan was at a birthday party! Every year, on this exact date, she’s at a birthday party. That year was a memorable one as it was in a vast red and black hotel suite with slightly furry wallpaper. The English Courtesan isn’t usually a party animal but this particular event involved a poodle, a fire eater, party poppers, a busty lady on stilts, prawn cocktails and a person of short stature. Before anyone asks, the person of short stature was not Verne Troyer and the poodle is fine. Before anyone sues, the two parts of that sentence are not connected with each other.

5 things on your to-do list

You mean the English Courtesan has to limit it to five? Her to-do list always has at least twenty entries but here are the first five:

1) Booking a train ticket to XXXXXX for Friday
2) Calling the vet to enquire about the patient who ate all the pies
3) Signing and faxing some tedious forms to the accountant
4) Plumbing in a wireless thingy to make the dongle talk to the dingle
5) Doing a piece of work that was due on a desk in Surrey last week

Sighs…and you thought it was all high jinks and naughtinesses chez the English Courtesan…

What would you do if you were a billionaire?

Oooh yes, she may still be somewhat off the target, but the English Courtesan has got that one all worked out!

1) First of all the English Courtesan would invest a quarter of her billions to make sure they made some more. That’s because the English Courtesan has big plans for these billions and the question doesn’t specify how many of them she’s got.

2) Then the English Courtesan would set up two charities. Two, because one is personal conscience salving, and the other is important on a bigger scale. The first would be in memory of the English Courtesan's best friend. There was something she had always dreamed of doing and in fact she and the English Courtesan were going to make a start on it the summer she died. So this charity would help people who wanted it to do just that, the amazing thing the English Courtesan’s friend never got to do.

3) The second charity would be for the cause close to the English Courtesan’s heart for which she volunteers. Much as the English Courtesan loves her charity and thinks they do a fabulous job, they don’t have the money to give grants to projects which support their aims. So this would be their grant-giving arm.

4) Then the English Courtesan would turn to the more personal stuff. First of all she’d buy her Mum a castle in Spain, a wood in Morocco and a turreted folly in Yorkshire. That’s because she loves her Mum. Then the English Courtesan would buy her friend Doire a big block of shiny offices in Clerkenwell. That’s because he’s always doing kind things for other people and it’s about time someone did something kind for him. The shiny offices would be his pension fund. Then the English Courtesan would pay off her friend Amy’s mortgage and make sure she never had to worry about money again. That’s because Amy has had a sad year and the English Courtesan wants to fix the only bit she can.

6) Then finally the English Courtesan would pay off her own mortgage. That’s because debt is a very bad thing. Having done all those sensible grown-up things, the English Courtesan would go and buy herself a Morgan LifeCar, a herd of pygmy goats and an antiquarian bookshop where she would of course refuse to sell anything.

5 places you’ve lived

1) The English Courtesan once lived in a cowshed in Scotland. It was quite dank and gloomy and big slugs used to come in under the door when it rained.
2) The English Courtesan once lived by the seaside. She's having déjà vu at this point...wait a minute...ah yes... click here to read about the English Courtesan's saucy seaside neighbour.
3) The English Courtesan once lived in an outrageously fancy flat in New York with a swimming pool and uniformed doorman. She didn’t like it much but someone else paid her rent.
4) The English Courtesan once lived in a hotel for 6 months. Ditto.
5) The English Courtesan once lived in a Grade I listed building. It had trefoiled ogee arches and a vaulted ceiling and the English Courtesan loved it.

5 bad habits

1) Erm…Courtesan…does the English Courtesan really need to answer this one?
2) The last Marlboro Light of the night. The English Courtesan has nearly quit but it’s that last one she’s still trying to kick.
3) Being secretly anti-social. She puts up a good show of being the life and soul of the party but what the English Courtesan really likes is a quiet night in with just her good self and a book.
4) Following on from the above, hatching ever more devious and dastardly plans to avoid the frenetic partying of the frenemies The English Courtesan knows the frenemies will catch up with her in the end but for tonight she’s happily home alone with her book.
5) Maple flavoured Golden Syrup. The English Courtesan just discovered it and she’s been a sticky mess ever since. Would any of the good readers like to help her clean up? ;-)

5 jobs you’ve had

1) Erm…Courtesan…does the English Courtesan really need to answer this one too?
2) The English Courtesan started out as a personal assistant. It has to be said that she was an utterly appalling personal assistant so she lasted all of a fortnight.
3) The English Courtesan was once instrumental in the production of a piece of spoof research which made headlines worldwide. To this very day, no-one except the English Courtesan and her co-conspirators knows of this fact.
4) The English Courtesan was once a toaster. No really. Making toast was actually in the job specification. The English Courtesan makes quite good toast so though she has a tendency to singe when interrupted.
5) The English Courtesan once taught at a kids’ summer camp. That was marginally worse than being a toaster. Therein lies another bad habit the English Courtesan couldn’t fit on the list, which is scowling ferociously at badly behaved children.

How was your blog named?

Diary of An English Courtesan was named out of deference to, and perhaps with the hint of a smirk at, the great tradition of diary-writing English women. As the readers know, the English Courtesan loves Victorian novels but she also likes diaries and anything literary in epistolary form. So she named the blog after Diary of a Victorian Lady by Adelaide Pountney, The Country Diary of an Edwardian Lady by Edith Holden, the Diary of a Provincial Lady by E. M. Delafield, and too many others to list. The English Courtesan changes her mind regularly on subject of the courtesan versus escort versus prostitute versus call girl versus mistress versus ...[stop snoring at the back there]... but she still likes the idea of a diary.

So there you have it – a bit more stuff the readers didn’t really want to know about the English Courtesan! So now the English Courtesan gets to dole out six of the best, and they are:

- Academic Hooker Aneris (because the English Courtesan wants to test the hypothesis that she’s probably too clever for tags)
- Bad Girl Joyce (because the English Courtesan wants to know how bad the Bad Girl's habits really are)
- Clea, She Of The Magic Touch (because the English Courtesan wants to know how bohemian a Bohemian With A Billion could be)
- Dolly Mopp (because the English Courtesan wants her rules to be ravished by the ravishing one)
- Look At This Face (because the English Courtesan thinks it’s about time The Face came out of The Woodwork and resumed blogging, tsk!)
- Winter The Saucy Sucker Of Sunlight (because the English Courtesan rather fancies Winter and is hoping she'll stop writing about sucking necks and come round and suck...nooo?)

And on that lowered tone, the English Courtesan is away to play with XXXXX in XXXXXX… ;-)

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